Graham Higgins Illustration

The Stirchley Courant reports:-

The Rev. Ashley Billson of St. Nemo’s issued a statement folded inside the parish newsletter yesterday to ‘still the storm and assure parishioners that the traditional Annual Pantomime will go ahead as usual’ after the production was threatened by protests at the appointment of visiting pastor Rev. Providence Adinkwe as director.

Barry Blokely, spokesman for the parents’ committee told The Courant ‘We’d expected him to jazz it up a bit – bongos and some jigging about and that – but he’s gone and told them that Sleeping Beauty’s made up. He’s gone and turned round and said what’s it matter for, cause it’s a mess. What kind of message is that to give the kiddies?’

I called the Rev. Adinkwe, who told me ‘I think Mr. Blokely must have misinterpreted my introductory remarks to the cast and parents. I told them that we should see the story as metaphor, illustrating the enduring power of myth. I’m afraid it had never occurred to me to consider the historical authenticity of this seasonal entertainment.’

Mr. Blokely went on, ‘We’ve always gone by the book for our pantomimes. All you have to do is follow as it’s written and you’ll see the author’s purpose. Years of pantomime proves it.’

Regular readers will remember that the last time there was such controversy was the marathon parish council debate over whether Snow White should be portrayed eating a Granny Smith or Cox. On that occasion Rev. Billson carried the day with his Golden Delicious proposal, pointing out that God was in the name.

Rev. Adinkwe commented ‘I applaud Rev. Billson’s statesmanship on that occasion; I would only suggest that the precise variety of apple is somewhat less important than the central idea of the innocent Snow White accepting the poisoned fruit proffered by the Wicked Queen and her ostensible demise and subsequent redemption to lead the life Happy Ever After.’

Mr. Blokely added ‘Is he saying that generations of good people of our parish are wrong? Why would the stories be repeated year after year if they weren’t true? You wouldn’t get TV celebrities taking parts in the pantomime all over the country if it was just a load of nonsense. We don’t put them on just for our entertainment you know.’

In his open letter of resignation from the production to St. Nemo’s, Rev. Adinkwe says ‘I regret that dispute has hinged upon the historical accuracy of the Sleeping Beauty story. I have been a long-standing admirer of the English tradition of Miracle Plays and I had hoped to illuminate the theme of the Princess, pierced by a needle in accordance with the Fairy Malificent’s prophecy, falling into narcoleptic limbo until she is awakened by the Son of the King and rises from the bed. Even in the slumber of, as it were, her Tower Of Solipsism, the Prince finds her and leads her to The Palace of abiding happiness.’

At short notice the production has been handed to Mr. Declan Poont, choirmaster of St. Nemo’s.

‘It’s a demanding task,’ he said, ‘requiring long hours of individual coaching with the boys. The parents are very happy that I’ve managed to secure local TV celebrity Shirley Knott from Middle England Scene to play the part of the news reporter narrating the story to underline its truth. It’s a bold departure I grant you, what I call docu-pantomime, but it’s a popular annual event and I always look at bums on seats. I can’t say too much at present but local comedian Don (’Guffaws Galore!’) Colgate has expressed an interest in playing Shirley’s sound-man.’

Tickets are available from the St. Nemo’s rectory and Akhram News’N’Booze on Pershore Rd. The evening includes the traditional Prize Draw and Festive White Elephant stall.