18-12-09 X-Factory
The newsroom at The Stirchley Courant is buzzing today with speculation about who will headline the St. Nemo’s Christmas Concert this year. In my capacity as Arts Correspondent I’ve been attempting to uncover the story behind the simmering brouhaha and under pressure to predict the outcome.
For the past five years the top billing has been decided by a competition organised by Mr. Reg Swively, owner/manager of the X-Factory Hyperstore on the Pershore Rd. It’s actually been a high-spot of the community calendar, as hopefuls auditioned in the parish hall in front of a panel comprising Mr. Swively himself; Mr. Declan Poont, choirmaster of St. Nemo’s; Cherie Coke of Coke Karaoke; and Bev Sputely, the fourth panel member.
For many of the auditionees this is a rare opportunity to get out of the house and for the audience it provided an opportunity to get a look at them. This year’s surprise favourites were comedy choirboys Will and Frank, affectionately dubbed ‘Illfer’ when parisioners pointed them out in the street, distinguished by their ADHD and the special mousse Mr. Poont rubbed into their coiffs backstage, which made their hair stand on end.
Well, the Courant readers’ postcard vote this year went to Little Geordie McTeeth who walked away with the X-Factory Gravy Boat and top billing at the Christmas Concert.
All seemed set fair until rumours began to circulate about a petition being organised by the Junior Shove Ha’penny Team at The Mug Tree pub, to have McTeeth pulled and replaced by The Fred Ludd Minstrels shouting their festive offering ‘Tidy Our Room? Ruddy Heck No!’.
Stirchley holds its breath today as the prized closing spot at the Christmas concert hangs in the balance, to be decided by sales of souvenir programme/songsheets.
Secretary of the shove ha’penny team Des Dimerage told The Courant ‘Reg Swively has had it his own way for too long, lining his deep pockets with the profits from the X-Factory sing-offs. The Minstrels represent the inarticulate voice of Stirchley’s disenfranchised youth, innit? And they’ll be giving 5p a throw from sheet-music sales to Lemming Rescue so that’s, like, good…’
A call to the X-Factory Hyperstore’s premium help-line brought this exclusive response from Mr. Swively: ‘Mr. Swively is out of the office at the moment. Mind your own business. Please call back later.’
As the battle for top spot gathers momentum, the Courant has been inundated with several calls a day from readers as far away as Kings Norton and Selly Park, undecided about whether to buy tickets for St. Nemo’s gala evening.
As ever, the newsdesk will bring you news as it happens.